Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife now loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Learn how to get some Femdom in your life too!

Sunday, 27 March 2016

How to get your reluctant partner into a little lifestyle D/s

The hardest part is making it sufficiently
difficult that you 
will make honest
mistakes and get punished. 
So you have some hot D/s going in the bedroom but want a little more of it in your day-to-day life...
The trouble is that your partner is your partner and presumably likes having an equal. That's how modern relationships are supposed to work!
All that kinky protocol and costuming you crave... it's actually  a lot of effort. Why would your partner commit to doing it day-in-day out?
Nor does all that "being more dominant" make much sense on its own. Up to this point, I'm betting your D/s has been all about your dominant turning YOU on - something they get a kick out of, but which requires a lot of mental energy if it doesn't come naturally to them.
Fortunately, your partner will find it much easier to "be dominant" when it's a path to clear personal objectives. 
So, try this:
Establish out-of-bedroom spheres where you want your partner to be in charge, preferably ones where up to this point there has been running conflict. For example, in our case I am a slob and left to myself would neglect housekeeping. 
Don't offer your authority in these spheres!
Instead, tell them that if they use your preferred D/s toolset they are allowed to try to get what they want, that you will take this seriously and not cheat (in order to be punished), and that this will make you very happy. 
You then need to spell out this toolset.
It's not that complicated! The hardest part is making it sufficiently difficult that you will make honest mistakes and get punished. 

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 24 March 2016

Why it's more dignified to be a bottom than a submissive

Via Femdom Artists.
Here's what mainstream culture thinks about male bottoms (right):

A bottom is a wealthy older man who can pick his painful pleasures a la carte  from a professional dominatrix (though it could be an indulgent wife, perhaps a younger one with an engaging foreign accent: "'ave you been a naughty boy cheri?").

He's rakish, boyishly gleeful, and charmingly debauched.

For all that he enjoys being whipped and chained, he's not remotely dissempowered because he's calling the shots.
...sex workers facilitating
fantasies 

It's the picture we get in modern crime dramas and comedies, and best exemplified by the film Personal Services: sex workers facilitating the fantasies of men who can afford to pay for their services.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, it's OK to be a bottom (or a top... and non-charging tops are so rarely portrayed in mainstream media) and it's a good thing pro-dommes exist.

Have you been a naughty boy?
Granted. there's something a little wrong with the picture, because tops and bottoms come from all corners of society.

However, I imagine that it's nice - empowering - to be able to point to aspirational role models.

The real problem is that all this makes it far less embarrassing to be a male bottom than a submissive.

That leads people to misidentify and - worse - get into a Sub Panic and start clinging onto the power they want to relinquish by topping from the bottom.

But then, that's what the Internet is for...


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Wednesday, 23 March 2016

About my Femdom books...

My first book!
Best of all I like to write erotica.... chastity erotica.

It's an odd sort of porn where nobody has penis-in-vagina sex!

However, people like it. My first book, The Chastity Belt was even published by a real publisher, Pink Flamingo.

That book was based around a delicious dilemma. The poor hero is stuck in a time-locked hi-tech chastity device. Getting turned on makes him stay locked up for longer... Unfortunately, all the previously unavailable college girls like him that way. So what does he choose? Wild sensual experiences, or having an orgasm again... ever?

That pretty much ticked all my boxes and it was years before I wrote any more fiction.

Meanwhile I explored my submissive orientation online and I kept encountering pushy, self-entitled submissives who wanted to guilt their wives (it was usually wives) into dominating them.
Getting her to enjoy Femdom
even though she's vanilla!

Talk about self contradictory!

However, I'd been there myself.

Instead of trotting out the same advice time and again. I wrote a Femdom guide about how to get your vanilla wife or girlfriend to dominate you without making an ass of yourself.

So that's how Vanilla Dominatrix was born.

After a while, I noticed that vanilla women were asking for help in dominating their partners.

A lot of the advice people dished out was how to be a better top, not a more spontaneous domme and  how to fit a particular stereotype.

What if you really owned your sub.
What would you do? How would you act
Most of this seemed useless or actually harmful... some of it was clearly one-handed typing by male fantasists.

My real life experience of Femdom was that Xena came into her own as soon as she started behaving selfishly; If you are pleasing yourself, it's easy to know what to do next! (Most of the male submissive kicks can arrive as a by-product.)

So I took as a starting point, "What if you really owned your sub. What would you do? How would you act?"

That's where How to be a Roman Dominatrix came from.

I do tinker with writing another self help book. However, I've returned to fiction with a vengeance, trying out different ideas.

At the moment my main series is Enslaved by Posh Totty: a bunch of sexy posh college girls turn our hero into a chaste slave with lots of service, some of it erotic, and even some (frustrating) lesbian action. It helps that I'm always chaste when I write it...

I've got other series on the go too: Erotic SciFi, Erotic Thriller and a weird total world Femdom story set in an alternate jazz era. Go take a look at my author page!


Learn how to how to walk the Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Four Rules for Avoiding Getting Caught Doing Kink (Your Kink Zone is Bigger Than You Think It Is)

I noticed but said nothing. 

I once stayed over at a friend's house-warming party and noticed some nice fetters in amongst the jumble of boxes waiting to be unpacked.

I said nothing.

I'm kinky as hell anyway, but it even if I wasn't, it would hardly have been shocking.

And that's the thing. Most modern kinksters don't really lead a double life.

That's why this isn't a long entry on secret cupboards and locking trunks.

Sure, we keep our kink private but only because it's private. We no more lead a double life than vanilla oral sex enthusiasts who avoid talking about it socially.

If your broad-minded friend stumbles on your cage, then at worst it will lead to an interesting conversation.

If a more uptight friend pokes around and finds your slave collar - well they violated your privacy and what they saw is irrelevant because the friendship is now dead anyway.

So, our need for privacy is usually not very urgent. It's about politely avoiding giving Too Much Information...

Most modern kinksters don't
really lead a double life
...except when it isn't, when we're shielding ourselves from the Wrong People - usually family members - who will think our kink is toxic waste.

Lacking the paranoia that comes with a secret double life, we're not always good at this, e.g. Reddit thread that kicked off with:

Today my mother texted me to have lunch with her. Sure, no biggie. I recently as let my little brother borrow my laptop to type a paper.... Being the nosy little fuck he is, he went through my browser history and found my fet account...and proceeded to show my parents. Keep in mind I'm a 22 year old, and I don't live with them.
Well, this "lunch" turned into an intervention of shorts. (source)
And the thread filled up with stories of well-meaning family getting the wrong end of the stick about BDSM and seeing only mental health issues and abusive relationships.

Eek!

So how do you stop the Wrong People from catching you doing kink?

The trick is to think about exactly where the kink is in your life.

Kink spreads like smoke across unsecured boundaries:
  • If you unlock your sex toy box, and people are likely to open it, then kink is present in your entire bedroom. 
  • If you then unlock your bedroom door and people are likely to come through it, then kink is present in your entire house.
  • If you then unlock your back door, say for a garden party where everybody is coming and going, then kink is present in your garden as well.

Your Kink Zone is probably much wider
than you'd think.
It follows that your - call it - Kink Zone is probably much much wider than you'd think.

If your bookcase contains BDSM how-tos, or your laptop has a kinky browser history, then both are within that zone.

Once you let people inside the zone, then you are entirely relying on their good manners and your good luck to preserve your kink privacy.

The problem is that the Wrong People are often the most intrusive ones.

Imagine that garden party.

Aunt Mary notices that the bathroom needs new hand towels. She goes into your bedroom without asking - she's known you since you were in diapers and doesn't really get the personal space thing - and sees this big chest which must contain towels. "Oh? What are these chains for?"

Or the annoying younger sibling who will rummage around your laptop because they are an annoying younger sibling.

The big obvious rule from that uncomfortable thread is:

1. Don't let the Wrong People wander unsupervised inside your Kink Zone.


"Our bedroom is a mess - let us tidy it up first"
Once they are inside, the battle is already lost.

Fortunately, the boundaries of the Kink Zone usually coincide with more generally acceptable ones.

"Our bedroom is a mess - let us tidy it up first."

"I don't lend my PC because I need it to manage my social life."

"Don't go into the garage, it's full of dangerous wires and stuff."

It's all too easy to let these slide for family. But remember that if you hand over your PC to a relative, or let your grandfather rummage for tools in your garage, you might as well just show them your Fetlife account or St Andrews Cross so as to get the awkward conversation over with... 

There are three less obvious rules:

2. Be aware of the ebb and flow of your Kink Zone

Unless you are careful with user accounts, then your computer certainly is inside the zone.
If you have whip marks...your body
is probably also within the zone.
 

What about your body? 

If you have whip marks concealed only by a T-shirt, then your body is probably also within the zone. Don't go to a family pool event where somebody might yank at your shirt, "Come on, lad, get some sun on your pasty skin.... Oh My God!"

Only if you are aware of the shifting boundary can you manage access to your Kink Zone.

3. Keep your Kink Zone neat and manageable

Aunt Mary may ask about the locked
cabinet, but she won't find your
scold's bridle!
It's easier to defend your Kink Zone if you know where it is. 

For example, have a place for your sex toys, don't just leave them lying around spreading kink through your entire home.

It's even easier if you can keep the Kink Zone as small as possible. 

Putting a combination lock on your toy chest takes your bedroom, and hence your home and garden, right out of the zone. 

Aunt Mary may ask about the locked trunk, but she won't find your scold's bridle!

4. Have a response ready for when you are caught doing kink

Despite all this, the Wrong Person may still notice something.

Have a good response prepared, preferably a half truth or a downright lie. Most Wrong People just want an excuse for things to go back to normal. "OMG My computer was hacked" is a good place to start... But that's another blog entry.


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Guest Post: 5 Weeks (!) in the standard Custom Chastity Ghost (with pictures!)

John's device is a lovely
blue, but you'll have to
read on to see it.
I'm proud of managing 10 continuous days in my device. However right now I'm handing over to my friend John who has spent an entire FIVE weeks locked into his. This will be of particular interest to uncircumcised males...

Well, I got mentioned on this blog. A few days ago I saw a link on Reddit to a blog posting, where Giles mentioned he had been locked up 24/7 for a while, and was wondering about longer term chastity in it. I replied I had been in one for four weeks at that point. We got to chat about it, and he invited me to do a guest review here.

And no worries, the pictures will again behind the cut!

Custom Chastity Update 12: Unlocking after 10 days of 24/7 Lockup - no nasty surprises

There were no nasty surprises!
I hit the 260 hour mark this morning and - with Xena's permission - finally removed my Custom Chastity customized "Ghost" male chastity device.

One snip with a craft clipper took out the cable tie.

Then, a bit scared of what I might find after ten whole days of continuous wear, I eased off the cage and manoeuvred out of the base ring.

There were no nasty surprises!

The only chafing hasn't quite healed - so the take-home would be; don't start a chastity marathon with an existing injury. However, the Ghost had not added any injuries. There were no new chafings, no abrasions, no odd unhealthy patches. 

There was a fuzz of collected dead skin around the opening (body end) of the cage. It hadn't caused any problems, but for longer wear you clearly need to find ways of directing the shower under and around the base of the shaft.

The device also passed the sniff test! It just smelled of fresh skin. It hadn't developed any sort of deep odour.

After passing such a pleasant night - the morning wood problem resolved as soon as I stopped using any lotion -  and having such a sensual awakening, I felt sad to unlock.

As always, orgasm is a bit of  let down after all that wallowing in the plateau phase...


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

This chastity device feels like it's grown on me - literally

I'm 45 minutes away from passing the 10 day mark and I've stopped being aware of this chastity device as a separate thing. It really does feel as if it's grown on me... or even out of me like hair or nails or a freaky alien exoskeleton.

I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm - it must have been something like 3 weeks ago.
And I've hit this point where the natural response to being turned on is a feeling of squirming tightness, where I can't imagine taking this device off, or imagine what it would be like without it.
That's rather impressive for a few grams of surgical nylon.

However, if I am going the last 10%, if I'm going to be wearing 24/7 with only a few exceptions for practicality or good taste, then I'm going to try and get the same last 10% out of Xena in return. If I'm going to truly own my submission, then it's only fiar she fully owns her dominance.

Custom Chastity Update 11: 15th night locked, Day 10 of 24/7 Lockup - wife adds an extra day

No unlocking today. No orgasm either. And I'm on my tenth day of 24/7 chastity in my Custom Chastity "Ghost".

Of course I wanted and didn't want this. You have to be a masochist to understand this exquisite ambivalence.

As yesterday evening approached, my mind was in turmoil. I wanted to get to ten days, but I wanted Xena to order it, otherwise I'd just be self locked, which is fine if your'e single but I didn't want the fantasy I wanted the reality. I wanted it to be for her.

So I kept thinking of ways to nudge Xena. I could remind her that I hadn't reached my weight target at the end of last year and had still not been punished for that. I could just drop a broad hit about her being able to wield arbitrary powers. But...

I didn't want to nudge her. The thing about topping from the bottom is that you end up bottoming, not subbing.

Meanwhile, older relative's visit was driving me crazy in the way that only older relatives can do. When they'd finally gone, I managed to break a beer glass and treated Xena to a rant. It also turned out that I had managed to wash her whites with a new dark t-shirt.

So when bedtime came, I knelt in the corner and reported I was on Day 9 of lockup. Xena told me well done, and come to do her feet. I pointed out I couldn't leave the corner until she had given me demerits and penalty days. "I've not had a good day, have I, mistress?"

"No Giles, you haven't. That's two demerits for losing it, two for the washing." An evil glint entered her eyes. "And one penalty day because I can."

My cock went off like an air-bag, filling the surgical nylon chastity cage. 

And thus, I am sitting here still locked up after something like 225 hours and it's all been so very normal. No close calls, no pain, no full erection, no orgasm...

This morning it there wasn't enough milk in the fridge and she casually gave me another demerit; something she would normally only do at the end of the day rather than think about Femdom while getting ready for work. So my continuing lockup is having an affect on her too. It's as if a wall has come down and our two worlds have merged. 

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Custom Chastity Update 10: 14th night locked, Day 9(!) of 24/7 chastity lockup - 200 hours

I was a bad person. I went swimming last night but made an excuse and wore my beach shorts so I didn't have to unlock.

It was excruciatingly embarrassing - the shorts that is, not the Custom Chastity "Ghost" which remained invisible.

That pink skin left over from the old chafing? Turned out to be tender and is soft and water right now, probably the combination of the pool water and the contact. I don't think wearing 24/7 has helped it heal, but it certainly hasn't prevented the healing. If the device were at fault, my scrotum would look like raw meat by now!

Otherwise, I have worn this male chastity device for 200 hours solid with no apparent ill effects and no close calls in which I felt under threat of discovery.

Committing to 24/7 for any period is a bit like going on a Mars mission. So, for that matter, is sending somebody a chastity device. There are so many things that can go wrong - chafing, pinching, morning wood, shifting, fall out - and if any of them do go wrong the mission is over.

So my mind is blown.

Not only have I managed to wear this thing day in day out for 9 sometimes psychologically uncomfortable days, but it hasn't really caused me any problems.

Having got this far, I can't see any practical reason for ever removing the device.

This is an incredible feat of design!

It's a feat of design I shall have to enjoy for the rest of today. An older relative has descended on us - we're a handy base for shopping and cinema - so under the terms of our rules, my orgasm day gets bumped until tomorrow.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner!