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Saturday, 2 September 2017

Adventures in Chastity: What keeps us locked and chaste against our will and why?

Tom Allen has this blog post about how male chastity is all a fantasy game, and we stay looked and chaste only because we want to. He's right, but he's also wrong. Here's why.

The first time Xena imposed extended denial on me, it ran to 152 days! I kept asking her whether I could get off, and she kept delaying it. Toward the end I was feeling more irritated than accepting. However I stuck to it because it was what she told me to do. As I sit here locked into my chastity device, I'm very glad I did.

People have always voluntarily signed up for experiences they know that they'll be locked into, and won't entirely enjoy. We generally called these experiences "adventures".

Adventures can be short (say, a roller coaster ride) through long (say, an arctic expedition) to a lifetime (say, getting married).

We see benefits to having the adventure, but we are also locked in for a variety or reasons ranging from practical (can't actually step off a roller coaster in mid ride!) through cost of quitting (losing a deposit, damaging friendships with companions, and feeling cowardly) to emotions  (love can make us stay and fix a marriage).

What's odd about adventures is that we know what we're getting into, we know there will be low points, and that there's no going back. Even so, we still do it.

This is because feelings like wanting, liking, enjoying, and satisfaction are really just labels we give to a quilt of drives and urges, all operating in parallel rather than in summation. You can take a roller-coaster ride and experience: fear; excitement; pride; horror; visceral pleasure; and nausea. You can have a strong wish to get off the ride ("Argh! Let me off! Let me off!") and yet in the aftermath enjoy the most amazing buzz ("Whee! Let's do it again!").

In the case of long term chastity and orgasm denial, it's common to experience an amazing time, and to wish it would end - and to do so simultaneously! You can love the heightened sensations, but be desperate to come.

Thus, though chaste men on forums often over egg it and humble brag, it's entirely reasonable for them to express mixed feelings. You can revel in the power your mistress exercises, even though you also resent it - the very fact she can make you do things you resent is itself a turn on... that's how masochism works.

So much for the why? The what? is intriguing. What locks us into chastity adventures? What keeps us going when we aren't having fun and we just feel pissed off and horny?

Obviously pride, as for any other kind of adventure. Some chastity belt users sound like sportsmen or explorers: "I'm going to make six months if it kills me!"

There are seven motivations that are specific to male chastity.

The first four are psychological:

1. Masturbation after chastity is lonely and anticlimactic. This is especially true if you're self locked because it means leaving behind your taste of a fantasy and being reminded you have nobody to play with.

2. Withdrawing consent might make the Femdom go away.  Even nowadays, we're usually the ones who introduce the idea of Femdom. If we start making things difficult, then our mistresses may just give up on the whole idea. Better  to suffer six months of no orgasm than sixteen years of no Femdom!

3. It's hard to step out of a submission feedback loop.  For primates, having an erection is not just sexual, it's a display of dominance. So not being able to have an erection makes us even more submissive than we already are. Even if self-locked, it becomes surprisingly psychologically hard to pull out or defeat a device. We simply don't feel like doing it. Nor do we feel like deceiving our keyholder, or disobeying her. We are are already submissive and chastity makes us more submissive. Disobedience stops being in our lexicon.

4. You can get used to almost anything.  For many of us, this is just how we live and how our relationships work. It's like moving to an inner city area and liking the convenience and the restaurants, but moaning about the noise and trash.

The last three are practical and relate to damaging or drilling out the device when we don't have the key, e.g. because it's in a time safe, or we're sealed in "permanently".

5. Staying locked is more convenient than breaking out. For those of us without drill benches in well-equipped garages, defeating a device using tools is often less convenient than waiting out our "sentence". This is true even if the sentence is open ended. Things have to a certain level of unbearableness before we start tackling the problem of what tools to use and how, and finding the privacy to do it.

6. Destroying a device is a waste. If we're sealed into a device, we have a strong urge to justify the money we spent on it. (This raises the interesting question of what a month in chastity is worth).

7. Replacement is a problem. Our device may be expensive, our discretionary spend may be limited, and, as in 2., our partners may become cross about us wasting money on "sex toys" which we then break.

Reasons 5-6  suggest that the best possible "permanent" chastity device would be difficult to destroy, expensive, and not readily available... However that's for another blog post.


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2 comments:

  1. Blimey Giles. I click on a link you post, thinking there might be a paragraph or two...
    After a while these debates tend to become very circular and semantic.
    I have to admit I flagged... but I did make it to the end of your own post, basically I think a lot of these psychological spaces are about exploration. The 'subspace' as it's known is exploratory - like being a deep sea diver at the bottom of a dark, uncharted sea. The fact that it's not all neatly & predictably organised is part of the point.

    A kind of brinkmanship; 'am I enjoying this? I dunno! Yes... and no. Maybe I'm enjoying not being sure!'
    Exploring to see how far is too far... and of course, to use your phrase from a few weeks back, 'Masoch's Paradox'. That kernal of contradiction. The state of enjoying the act of not enjoying!

    Mr. Bump

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the key thing is that we have multiple tracks. There is no summation...

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