Getting the right Holy trainer 2 ring size!

I was an idiot.

My old cheap Chinese chastity cage had a 45mm diameter ring so I assumed that's what I needed from Holy Trainer. I didn't bother following their sizing instructions.

Holy Trainer 2 rings are... oval. 

Months later a short stint back in the old device,  I realized I needed something tighter. I compared the two rings and found -- to my horror -- that the ring of the old device fitted into the new one. What was going on?

The answer, of course, is that the Holy Trainer 2 rings are... oval. The measurement they use to describe them is across the shortest distance!

On its own the circumference doesn't tell us much, it's the cross section that matters.

You can get the area of an oval using the following calculation:

Area = Pi * A * B

Assuming all the Holy Trainer rings have the same proportions as my original 45mm HT2 ring, you get the following areas:

040 - 1396 mm squared

045 - 1766 mm squared

050 - 2181 mm squared

Old style circular rings like on my Chinese chastity cage are of course Pi * R * R. This gives us:

40mm - 1256 mm squared 

45mm - 1590 mm squared 

50mm - 1963 mm squared 

They are all a bit tighter than the Holy Trainer equivalent. The take home here is follow the manufacturer's instructions and measure your tackle with a bit of string!

However I can tell you from personal experience that a 45mm circular ring fits me comfortably and that my most comfortable Holy Trainer 2 ring is the 040. Your mileage may vary...

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Chastity is more fun when your partner is involved ! Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

When is it OK to wear a chastity device outside the home?

I don't usually wear my Holy Trainer 2 24/7, it just doesn't feel right to deliberately set out to see friends with a chastity device locked around my genitals. However, I'm not squeamish about going out and about in my device.

So -- whoops! -- I'm inconsistent.

I think the problem is that my chastity device is both sexy underwear and at the same time a sex toy.

Sexy underwear is a private thing and can often be a private rebellion. We're delighted rather than disturbed to know that the frumpy lady in accounts likes wearing frilly nothings to work, and if a man chooses to wear a good pair of boxers or a jockstrap under his jeans that's his business, not anybody else's, except perhaps his partner... in fact there's nothing freaky about the statement, "I wear sexy underwear for my partner."

So my little black Holy Trainer is just the moral equivalent of  a sexy jockstrap and I can wear it when and where the hell I like.

However, it's also a sex toy.

A male chastity device is not quite the equivalent of -- say -- a woman using Chinese Balls because it doesn't generate erotic physical sensations unless I'm already turned on. However wearing it feels sexual and reminds me of my Female Led Relationship with Xena. We might regard a woman who inserted Chinese Balls and went shopping as daring and erotic, but if she then went into a friend's home for a cup of tea that would be icky. It's also important that other people would regard a chastity device as a sex toy.

So, I end up with an odd code based on a mix of practicality (worst case if caught out) and gut feeling:

• I absolutely avoid wearing around non-adults or relatives (sex toy).
• I avoid going into somebody's home while wearing (sex toy).
• I will socialize while wearing, but only (a) in public spaces, (b) when I can't unlock, (c)  and when I'm not responsible for the event (sexy underwear).

This last one needs further explanation.

I'm uncomfortable with any suggestion that I might be treating other people as players in an erotic scenario. So I won't set up coffee with friends and turn up secretly wearing a chastity device. However, if I'm out shopping and bump into friends then I will go to Starbucks with them. Similarly, if I'm wearing the device for an extended period -- say a weekend -- and Xena wants me to attend her at a social event, then I'll go along too.

Of course, in an ideal world none of this thinking would be necessary. Chastized would be a recognized and legally protected orientation...

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Chastity is more satisfying when it's part of a Female Centered Femdom relationship. Find out how to build one even though your partner is vanilla!

A typical work night in our Female Led Marriage

My wife looks up from her book.

"I wanted the front of the cooker cleaned, not just wiped down," says Xena conversationally. "You can give yourself another demerit."

 Not so long ago we couldn't mention kink
except in the bedroom and at exactly
the right moment. Now it's part of our lives.

My wife is sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner and reading while I serve her food and tidy up around her.

This is not quite a FLR thing. I ate earlier because it's her yoga night and she's only just returned. I'm not in my male chastity device either because I'm about to go running with friends and I don't deliberately wear it socially.

I feel a little irritation then realize her assumption of command during vanilla time still surprises me. Not so long ago we couldn't mention kink except in the bedroom and at exactly the right moment. Now it's part of our lives.

It's about then that last beating echoes through my limbs and I feel a twinge of fear and arousal. "OK," I say. "How was your day?"

I'm not much different from a traditional
housewife looking after her breadwinner

We chat about her work, my chasing contracts, her yoga, and some local gossip. As I serve her desert, she says, "Tomorrow, can you vacuum the lounge and wash the downstairs windows?"

"Your wish is my command," I say with a hint of gallantry.

It's not quite protocol, but she takes my compliance so much for granted that I like to remind her that I've stopped arguing about housework because I'm her slave. I'm not a doormat -- honest! -- I'm a submissive.

I get the dishwasher going and head off for my run and a cup of tea with friends. Later I get home, shower, lock up my cock and get into my pajamas. Xena is glued to a US Crime drama so I bring her a cup of tea, finish off the kitchen then sit and rub her feet.

...what my Vanilla Dominatrix book
calls "Companion Mode".

Apart from my run, everything in the evening has been geared to supporting Xena.

I'm not much different from a traditional housewife looking after her breadwinner, though a fly on the wall would notice that Xena doesn't always say please and thank you.

We also chat and argue like any normal couple, though Xena always has the last word when she chooses. This is Xena in what my Vanilla Dominatrix book calls "Companion Mode".

Things change once we hit the bedroom.

Sometimes she... chats to me even as if
there was nothing odd about having her
husband on his knees awaiting her
command.

I go and kneel in the corner, patient, silent, only speaking when spoken too. Sometimes she does speak to me, chats to me even as if there was nothing odd about having her husband on his knees awaiting her command. Mostly, though she changes for bed, has me put away her clothes, then reads or surfs while I wait.

Xena's lazy mode is Hermit. She recharges her batteries by switching off, getting cozy and losing herself in a book or iPad game. My natural chattiness becomes an irritation.

A month or so ago -- have we been doing FLR this long already? -- I wasn't just irritably chatty, I was also irritable. I felt I wasn't getting enough attention from Xena who was bringing work home most evenings, and I was also panicking about the work not coming in for me. That night, Xena matter-of-factly sent me to the corner.

I knelt there while she finished off some work emails and then while she read, totally ignoring me. I was torn between mounting agitation and annoyance, and a kind of awe at my own powerlessness. I did not want to be ignored, but I couldn't do anything about it.

At length she switched off the light, and still I knelt, now in the dark. I suspect this was supposed to be a test or prove a point, but she was so tired she simply fell asleep leaving me on my knees.

About half-an-hour later, she roused a little and murmured, "You may come to bed," and fell asleep again.

As I struggled to my feet, I replayed her words in my head. Not "Get off the floor, silly, why are you still playing at being a slave?" or "Come to bed honey and cuddle up". She still felt in charge even when she was barely awake. Better yet, she was still angry with me, but she was expressing that anger through our Femdom relationship. I was hard inside my chastity device as I slipped into bed next to my sleeping wife.

"What are you doing!?!... Back in the corner.
Give yourself a demerit."

The next night she did call me to bed and ordered me to go to sleep while she read late, but it felt awkward. "You could have left me kneeling," I said. "This feels all wrong."

"OK," she said. "Back on the floor."

So that's our protocol now. At bedtime I kneel in the corner emerging only to put away clothing and run errands. Eventually she summons me to massage her feet and legs, then I go back into the corner until lights out. (During the weekend there may also be oral sex, and on a good night some kinky love making and more playful Femdom.) Sometimes I look at the cozy bed and wish I were in it with her, realize I have no power in this situation, and get very hard indeed inside my Holy Trainer.

At first I thought she was just humoring me. However, the other day as she undressed I anticipated the next command and stood up to take her bra. Her eyes flashed. "What are you doing!?!" she said. "Back in the corner. Give yourself a demerit."

Kink aside, evening corner time is good for me, which is presumably why Xena started it. It forces me to stop revving, slow down and let go of the day's concerns. Kink-wise it's great. It plunges me straight into sub space, reminds me that we're doing this for real and that I have entered my own fantasies.

Xena also seems to like it. I suspect that it affirms her complete control over her surroundings and removes any guilty feeling that she ought to be interacting with me.

Finally, it's good for our Female Led Relationship. Even though the control is there, most of what we do during the working week looks normal and vanilla. Me kneeling in the corner, patient but ignored -- that's not normal. That's Femdom.

And that makes us both happy.

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Don't just sit there staring at the screen feeling wistful! Take a look at my Femdom self-help books for couples where the female partner is vanilla!

Three reasons why ball gripping chastity devices are inescapable (even though they're not)

When I first got into male chastity, I was obsessed with making devices escape-proof.

Neither the old Chinese chastity device
 nor the lovely new Holy Trainer 2
are secure

Rather than be an early adopter of the CB2000, for example, I built a series of DIY chastity belts. The last one was inescapable... unless you had a pair of scissors handy. However, none of them were practical for 24/7 wear, so when cheap Chinese chastity devices came along, I spent a few tenners and bought one. A year or so later I upgraded to a Holy Trainer 2, and since then I haven't looked back (or had an orgasm!) since.

Neither the old Chinese chastity device nor the lovely new Holy Trainer 2 are secure.

How could they be? Balls are stretchy! Even so, I am psychologically incapable of cheating by pulling out.

I also know I'm not the only man like this.

Find out how to make chastity and Femdom fun for your vanilla partner! partner is involved!

How can an insecure chastity device be psychologically 100% secure?

 If you're locked into a chastity device then the
only release you get is when you're really,
really turned on and start to leak.

Make Femdom work in your relationship!

I don't think it's raw willpower because the urge to is hardwired. If will were involved, it would be in the opposite direction; we'd shake off our kinks and get our rocks off.

Instead, here's what I think is happening.

1. The tail is wagging the dog! In human males, an erect penis is a sign of dominance. Not being able to get erect makes us more submissive... too submissive to remove the device preventing us from getting erect as long as somebody else wants it there.
2. Masturbation is lonely! Ultimately, there's something soul destroying about spending years jerking off to submissive fantasies. As soon as somebody actually wants you locked into a chastity device you suddenly have the choice between being a sad failure jerking off in the cold, or a possessed slave living out your submissive destiny.
3. Rewired brain! This one is a bit sinister, and thus a turn on to think about. If you're locked into a chastity device then the only release you get is when you're really, really turned on and start to leak. This tends to happen when you give your mistress an orgasm. After a while -- the human brain being essentially stupid -- you become conditioned to associate being turned on with going down on your mistress, rather than with jerking off or having sex.

So it's a submission feedback loop, it's a fear of loneliness, it's conditioning...

There's a common factor in all of these; having a mistress who actively wants you to be chaste.

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Chastity is more fun when it's part of your relationship! Use one of my Femdom self-help books to make this happen...

My (positive) experience of Holy Trainer customer service

The FLR equivalent of a wedding ring.

A couple of weeks back, my Holy Trainer 2 broke. The top of the locking post sheared away. This seems to be the most common failure mode for the HT2 so perhaps it's a design flaw that makes it vulnerable to small variations in casting etc. It's still a lot better than having the tube split!

I was... bereft. It was like losing a wedding ring.

You have to understand that -- aside from not being escape proof -- the Holy Trainer 2 is like a fantasy chastity device. It lies so naturally and fits so comfortably that it's easy to forget it's locked around your gentials. The Chinese chastity device I used to wear was value for money, but was a bit like having a disability since it caused low-grade discomfort and required constant tinkering with lotions etc. The Holy Trainer 2, in contrast, is like having an implant.

This happened in the early hours of the morning. I found myself lying awake next to Xena feeling naked and wondering if I dare rummage for the metal device.

First thing in the morning, I logged on and emailed the Holy Trainer people. I have seen a couple of postings on forums complaining about HT customer service, so I didn't hold out much hope. Since I don't think we can afford a new device, I started having desperate thoughts of just gluing the whole thing together permanently...

I was very relieved indeed when they got back to me within a couple of hours asking for a picture of the break. I supplied that and my replacement tube went out that night, to arrive a few days later.

(In the mean time, out of desperation, I tried to fix the damage using quick drying epoxy resin.  It's evil stuff, but didn't bond during the 3 hours specified on the packet. However, I've just checked and a week or so in the cupboard does seem to have made the repair solid. So it turns out that you can glue bioresin.)

Summing up: my experience of the Holy Trainer customer service is 100% positive. Five stars to the Swiss kinksters!

UPDATE: A tumblr user with a broken ring. http://rohosub.tumblr.com/post/139158738854/ht-broke-again

Chastity is more fin when there's somebody to keep you chaste! Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Erotic domination is more moral than sport! (Or, "How to feel good about being a dom or dominatrix")

....your sub/bottom also gets off,
which makes erotic domination
more moral than sport!

One way of looking at it is that BDSM is an erotic sport.

Though sports have rules, they are emotionally real to the participants, cause real pain and real humiliation, and grant permission to do and feel things on the field (or in the court etc) that you would not in the "real world".

So just as you might get a real buzz out of beating a friend at - say squash - and yet that might have no bearing on anything outside the squash club, in BDSM you get off hurting and humiliating a lover, and that has no bearing out of bed.

The only difference is that your sub/bottom also gets off, which makes erotic domination more moral than sport!

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?